Anticipating the death of a friend.

(texting conversation back and forth with Jake)
Jake: How ya doing Pops?
Me:   I'm doing ok. I had a really hard time this morn. Sad, overwhelmed, depressed. Spent some time in Psalms and a few minutes praying. I think I am about to enter into a very desolate time, someplace that its only me and Jesus. Church will fall away, friends will fall away and I will be left with family and Jesus(exactly what I asked for just not the way I expected it).
Jake: Are there any points of light in all that?
Me:   Yes. I feel like the initial injury was to stop me dead in my tracts. And now Jesus has been waiting patiently for me to clear my head of the initial event and settle into the long season of disability and reliance. So the light is the knowledge that I think Jesus is getting into position and orchestrating to be the one to pick me up, for Him to be the only one within earshot, that this season is the exact place I need to be, but completely terrifying at the same time.

    Thank you Holly for being the most incredible friend and inspiration in my life, anything good I write here or say here comes from you, and on the flip side anything offensive and stupid, you can be sure is coming from my stupid *ss.  
   I started the journey this year feeling beat up and bedraggled*, but Holly and I have never been better or closer. Some might look at my situation and feel totally out of control and buried (what and I don't!!!) but God has done an amazing thing in my heart this past couple of weeks setting me free from some real fear and mind numbing head trips. All of which I will be unpacking thought this blog. Ninety minutes ago I didn't even understand where to go to find a "blog" or that I had to first find a "blog" service before I could start a "blog'. A bit behind the curve I guess?!?
  So my goal is two fold, one, to blog my spiritual journey as genuinely and honestly as I can with all the grace this ragamuffin can pull together and two, to blog my new endeavor as one of the "unchurched believers". So, here we go.