Faith Interrupted

World English Dictionary

interrupt  (ˌɪntəˈrʌpt)
— vb
1.	to break the continuity of (an action, event, etc) or hinder (a person) by intrusion

    I woke today feeling overwhelmed, under confident, inadequate, beat up, and bedraggled.(thank you Brennen)
<Faith Interrupted.> I cant really explain why, or what the cause was. I would describe it something like how the flu hits, one minute your fine and the next you feel like curling up in a ball on a cold tile floor and dying. ( i know... thats dramatic)
    Conversation in my head as I layed in bed this morning:
me:             "theres to much at stake, I cant stay this way"
other me:    "close your eyes go back to sleep"
me:             "how do I get us through this?"
other me:   'you can't, don't bother"
me:             "my family needs me to be present and strong"
other me:    "your not present or strong, you have no ability to manage your self or your family"
me:             "get up get present, you don't have to get it right, just get at it. and right then I was reminded of what I have commited to blog about.(see post on 02/21/13)
  ..."We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. " quote by Nelson Mandela
   Holly having a loving desire to comfort me and rescue me, simply played a song she new I loved and it broke though almost instantly.

You're Everything   by David Crowder
http://www.worshiptogether.com/songs/songdetail.aspx?iid=569862

 You’re ev’rything I could want, that I could need.
If I could see You want me, could I believe?

’Cause You’re perfectly all I want, and all I need.
If I could just feel Your touch, could I be free?
Why do You shine so? Can a blind man see?
Why do You call? Why do You beckon me?
Can the deaf hear the voice of love?
Would You have me come?
Can the cripple run? Are You the One

to raise me up from this grave?
Touch my tongue and then I’ll sing.
Heal my limbs, then joyfully I’ll run to You.
Raise me up from this grave,
Touch my tongue and then I’ll sing.
Heal my limbs, then joyfully I’ll run to You.           

Faith Re-connected!
                                    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your playing small does not serve the world...

Not even a little.

   Am I playing small in my world?

   I have asked myself this question a thousand times in the past few years. There is no question that that is true. I have used the old battlefield adage "This is not the hill I choose to die on" as an excuse to avoid conflict way more than a well thought out or fully prayed through decision barometer.

   With that I feel I must confess and ask forgiveness to those I love and journey with on a daily basis.I have not served my wife well. I have not served my family well.  I have not served my students well. I have not served my friends well. I have not served those I despise well. Most importantly I have not served Jesus well.

   Please believe me, I have no intentions of trying to evoke any kind of pity or sympathy. I say all this not under a cloud of self-condemnation, but of discovery, of renewed hope and a profound experience of freedom.
   For many years, due to my own inability and my choice not to heal from "church"ianity and the loss of my dad, and my chosen profession of pre-hospital EMS I allowed myself to become bitter and jaded. I did not guard the gift God gave me that was once detected by everyone I came in contact with.

   I once lived out grace the way that God showed me grace when I first met Him. Bold, loud, merciful, compassionate, with wisdom, love and with reckless abandon. ("back when I was young and "unchurched"") I have been playing small for a long time. To the point that I have forgotten what my faith could be like, and what it used to be like to allow Jesus to use me without hesitation or embarrassment and reluctance.

                          ¹⁶ But indeed for this purpose I have raised you up, that I may show my                power in you, and that My name may be declared in all the earth.

Exodus 9:16 (NKJV

Matthew 6:6

“Here’s what I want you to do: Find a quiet, secluded place so you won’t be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace.

John 4:23-24

“It’s who you are and the way you live that count before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That’s the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship. God is sheer being itself—Spirit. Those who worship him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration.”

   My commitment to my wife, my family, my friends and Jesus is no more playing small. No more role-playing with "church"ianity and conterfiet faith. That’s the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship.

   To those I journey with: Choose to live big. Choose to live and as my beautiful and very wise wife says everytime one of us leaves the house, "Leak Jesus today"

Peace to all



Thank you Papa for continuing to call me out on my crap and point me to you.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.....

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
~Nelson Mandela




Courage

   How do I as a man exhibit this for my sons and not screw it up. Culture has taught me and the rest of us that courage has to be a certain thing, event, risk, X-Game/RedBull/Street luge thing.
   Can it be to simply hug and kiss my 19y/o son in the parking lot as I leave him 300 miles away for college. Or to let myself cry when I miss the days of having all of my kids small enough to sit in the same chair as me and read them .(my favorite book to read to them)

So, my next handful of posts will be to unpack this very powerful and unbelievably deep quote from one of our days most prolific mystics.

   Why would we ( I ) fear being "powerful beyond measure"?

   I think part of it is I don't really understand "power(ful)" at all. My mind paints all kinds of explicit pictures of power. Some of them intertwined with Hollywood movie scenes, others, childhood memories of beating up bad people and rescuing my elementary school crushes (whom I still remember, but will remain unnamed to protect the innocent).
    I've heard it said once that, there are things you know, things you don't know, and things you don't know you don't know. Go back and read that a few times, marinate in it for just a minute or two. This very real truth I have tried to let reshaped the way I engage life and relationships.  Although, there was one place that I really got stuck.....

   I have spent the last 5 yrs. in a church ministry position that was cloaked in "The Gospel", but void of most of its power. It didn't start out that way, but a change of leadership came with a "Reformed" agenda. What was once a place that I experienced as alive and spirit led slowly became a place entrenched in legalism and liturgy. Rules and man made doctrines became mainstay.
   At every turn, at every discussion, at every meeting, there was a shift. Another degree of movement away from the original intent of those that started the fellowship. With that, the freedom I once knew in Christ and the once beautiful and often present voice of the Holy Spirit in me was almost silenced.

Exodus 9:16 (NKJV)

                          ¹⁶ But indeed for this purpose I have raised you up, that I may show my                power in you, and that My name may be declared in all the earth.

   "Powerful beyond measure" can only come from one place.

                      It does not come from church.
                      It does not come from vocational ministry.
                      It does not come from the pulpit.
                      It does not come from "The Gospel".
                      It does not come from doctrine or dogma.

   True power comes from knowing personally and intimately Jesus and His Father and His Holy Spirit.

   Jesus said, "If you really know me, you will know my Father as well. From now on, you do know Him and have seen Him.” John 14:7

   We are "Powerful beyond measure". It is a fact that you and I must come to grips with.

                  "With great power comes great responsibility" by Stan Lee

Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.

Peace to all

If you could invite three people to coffee, who would it be and why?

My son Jacob was filling out his RA(resident assistant) application for college and this was one of the questions.

•   If you could invite three people to coffee, who would it be and why?   

          If I could have coffee with three people it would be my father, his father, and Jesus Christ. I would like to mention that this coffee meeting would last an exceedingly long time. First, I would want to invite my father, because he is very much like myself. He is like me, but has a vast amount of experience which allows him to understand things far better than me. Second, would be my grandfather, whom I never met, but am named after. From everything I have heard about him, he was a great man, a man I want to be like. I would like to see the love, joy, strength, and faith in him that I hear so much about. Lastly, I would invite Jesus. Yes, this is cliché, but I want to be with Jesus and my father and grandfather. Jesus would say things both simple and complex and I would try to understand and apply them, but my father and grandfather would be able to see things I had never thought about. I would be a student to all three. More importantly, I would be a son to all of them. I would feel the love radiate off of the three of them and would feel whole, complete, and loved.

   Jake had asked Holly to proof it before he turned it in and she texted me and told me to check my email so I could see it. I was at work when I opened it up. I was completely overcome with emotion. Better described as undone. It was everything I could do from the moment I put my eyes on it to stay composed. I actually didn't even finish it, I couldn't. I knew if I read it all I would be unable to do my job for a bit.

   I was so blown away by his answer. I have struggled deeply with the loss of my dad, Donald James Bancroft, Oct 1993. I have always felt robbed and cheated by his death and never really explored how FUBAR'ed I really was. Holly anchored us through some very difficult years. In fact Jacob (of whom this post started) was born just about 2 months after my dad's death on Dec 9th, Jacob Donald James Bancroft.
  Thanks Jake for bringing me back to a place in my heart that I walled off. A place I need to spend some time. Love you Bud

Missing my friends

    We go through life coming in and out of peoples lives and sometimes we wonder why this friendship didn't work, or why this one did. Trying and working so hard to "make" friends. What does that even mean? We don't really "make" ANYTHING. We counterfeit everything we come in contact with, we mostly plagiarize great words and infringe on great music. We copy great recipes and live fake adventures through TV and movies.....Back to friends.
   I had one(a real friend). He's gone now, in eternity with his best friend Jesus.  Russ Bryant. Not Russ the Director, not Russ the Founder, not Russ the Emeritus. Just Russ. He showed me how to love simply by loving me. No gimmicks  no formulas, no magic Jesus dust, just honest, genuine beautiful grace. Not a perfect man, father or husband. Just a fellow sojourner willing to be simple and honest.
   Russ was the proverbial guy from the cartoons with the long white beard and the weathered face, overalls, and a pipe sitting in the rocking chair on the farmers porch of his quant little cabin, spinning truths into riddles and parables for us to try and figure out never really giving us the answer, but always just enough to help us find our own answers. I have searched for that guy all my life.
   So I then ask myself why does another great man die to early in my journey.
   My dad, Don Bancroft was killed when I was 23 yrs old. Just as was starting to get a clue and get a tiny bit of perspective as a young man.  Just as I was starting a family and my wife and I were expecting our first son. Hello God........what kind of crap is that.(more to come about my dad)
   So whats my point. I hope I don't always feel like I have to have a point in this blog process, my point today is I am ready to shake off, like a wet St Bernard, all the shallow relationships and disingenuous acquaintances and spend my very valuable time with those that are ready to go headlong into life and faith. The good the bad and the ugly of it. Those willing to poke me in the eye two knuckles deep and at the same time love me where I am.