To all those that I love and all those that have not given up on me....

 We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.


(a beautiful scene of Mary running to Jesus after he fell
while playing)

   My intent was to post at least once a week. So goes many of the good intentions of my life.
  This is the last of the "Here We Go" installments. I have had a really good time and a lot of reflection over this quote from Nelson Mandela. Thank you for unpacking it with me. I hope that as you wrap this up with me you will feel compelled to leave some feedback. If it sucks and I suck as a blogger  please tell me. If it has struck you or made you think or reflect on something let me know. If you know something that would help me do this better, please give me that instruction. If the content seems irrelevant,  to bad this is my journey...lol. Write your own blog
    I have been struck with a very loud and powerful truth over the past few weeks and most especially this past Sunday. All of our kids were gone for the weekend and Holly and I had the house to ourselves. As we are not going to church right now I asked her last night, "Do you have any ideas for devo's in the morning, something you and I can unpack together and journey out?" We decided to re-watch The Passion of the Christ.
   I have only watched this film one time before today because of how profoundly it effected me. As we watched my mind continued to go back to a season in my life when I walked my faith with strength and conviction, proudly displaying Christ in me, a time when I felt filled with Christ and His Spirit more than I was burdened with my own.
   My favorite scene in the movie is when Jesus is crafting a table very intently and His mother calls out to Him, He doesn't answer so she comes out to find him in the workshop. She has food ready for Him. After a bantering exchange about His oddly high table(waist high or normal height for us), He starts to make His way to the house, she gives Him an "Oh no you don't, your a mess" look. She lifts a bowl of water for Him to wash His hands and he looks at her as if to say thank you and very mischievously splashes her. Shes surprised and turns quickly as they both laugh. I remember a time long ago when I had this kind of relationship with Jesus, very real, very organic, very special.
I miss it.....a lot.
   Year after year I have allowed my self to become a little less sensitive, a little more jaded and a lot more cynical, allowing rust and decay to take over my heart for people, and for seeing people free from all that binds them, cripples them and fears that consume them. Not that I ever had ANY power over those things in anybodies life. But I once had enough love for Jesus and people, and enough sense to get out of the way and let Jesus do stuff through me.
   I instead wore my wounds and losses and tragedies like a heavy cloak,or a like a Buffalo hide worn by the native Sioux peoples in the winter. I used them to give me excuse's to not care as much, to stay distant and disconnected except for a very select few, to justify my frustration with people not being able to handle there own crap. I grew more and more resentful of the pressures of ministry and the struggle to balance my work ministry and family. All this leads me to the last few sentences of the Mandela quote:
                We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of                       us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission
 to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

   One of the best decisions I have made in the past 5-6 years was to resign from my youth pastor position and leave the church. That decision was two fold. One I will unpack with you now, the other will wait for another post. That decision has brought to me a freedom that I have not felt in many years. It was a decision that was 3 years in the making. I knew in the summer of 2009 that it was time for me to plan an exit strategy which for me included no strategy at all. I was going to church on Sunday, standing up, quitting and walking out and never looking back. Cooler heads prevailed (thank God for Godly wives). I realized, talking through this with Holly and my good friends Dan and Bill that I had to consider my family above myself and begin to get my emotions in check and start this journey the right way.
   I definitely was ready to just get out, but I knew that for the sake of Holly and the kids that I had to do it with there best interest over my own desires and emotions. Holly and I have always done everything in ministry together and it was clear to me that she was not at the same place as me. So began the exercise of me waiting for God to do in her what He needed to do to get us in unity. This was without question very hard for me but also very necessary, as time would be a huge factor in teaching me sacrifice and humility. And as with all things in my life God used Holly to teach me something about listening and trusting.
   So hear I am trying to live as genuinely and honestly as I can manage before you, myself and God.

.“Here’s what I want you to do, Find a quiet, secluded place so you won’t be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace". Matt 6:6 (the Message)

    Forgive me for not living in grace and for choosing to live small.
    I have no excuse for showing up like this. I owe it to those that God has allowed me to journey with the very best of me, the most honest me, and you have not experienced that from me at all.
   My A.I.(action items) for this post are 
1. To admit that I have lived in fear of how Jesus wants to live through me. 
2. To admit that I have hurt many people by not living in the grace that God has been saturating me in. 
And 
3. To start BEING grace to those around me.
4. Set a date for my Sabbatical.

  “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” Matt 11:28-30

Thanks Abba
    

Faith Interrupted 2

Who am i to be...

  
   This is my buddy Rachelle. God blessed me and my family with three awesome weeks of relationship time with Rachelle living in our home. I absolutely loved our time together. Being together in community building relationship with someone for only three weeks is like Holly making her famous Toll House cookie recipe and only letting me smell them. There is a gap, a hole in the fabric of that relationship. That is Relationship Interrupted.
   Although we have been on separate coasts Holly and I have loved and missed Rachelle's mom and dad for almost 20 yrs. R..C.(dad) and Lauri(mom) have been very much a part of Holly's and my life since Genesis Discipleship Training Center, Santa Rosa CA 1991-1994. We have been in a constant state of Relationship Interrupted praying that God would allow us to be together. He gave us Rachel instead. Interesting. That is Relationship Re-connected.
   This issue of Faith/Relationship Interrupted is a very real and raw place for me in my journey out of "church"ianity.
  March 3rd marked one month since resigning my Youth Pastor position and stepping down from vocational ministry. After twenty two years in ministry and many valleys and mountain tops I stand on this side grateful for all that God has done, grateful for all those years of getting to partner with the best partner on earth, my beautiful and spirit filled wife Holly, but with that came being bloodied by the constant and what seemed endless confrontation with religion or as i like to call it "church"ianity.
   So with that, these are the ramblings of a man well loved, kinda like a teddy bear that's fur is worn off and missing an eye(by family and friends) and thoroughly abused, kinda like a teddy bear that's stuffing has been ripped out and arm torn off (by church and religiosity). (not to forget mention of more than a few of my own self-inflicted wounds)
   I have been reading specifically just the gospels and focusing on Jesus' encounters with people. Jesus is frequently involved in conflict. As a matter of fact, the gospels are filled with story after story of Jesus engaged in some sort of confrontation or conflict situation, many of which are initiated by Jesus himself. I have noticed something else. Not one of those hostel encounters was ever with a pagan (unless you count the Roman guards in Gethsemane who by the way were sent by the chief priests and Pharisees,) .
                            John 18:³ Then Judas, having received a detachment of troops, and officers from the chief priests and Pharisees, came there with lanterns, torches, and weapons). So I guess that doesn't count either. Every single one was with the very religious people.
   The gospels clearly show that during Jesus life and death, and especially documented throughout His ministry that religion is in the hands of the enemy and actually was the enemy. All of His opponents where people highly invested and committed to "doing religion right". They, the chief priests and Pharisees considered themselves "right" and above reproach. (Probably right up until the Temple quaked and the vale was rent in two.Or maybe it was when the midday sky went black for three hours. I'm not sure, I'll ask them someday. Jesus was very clear about His mission and what was before Him.
                             Luke 2:49   And He said to them, “Why did you seek Me? Did you not know that               I must be about My Father’s business?”
   Jesus' mission had nothing to do with establishing religion and everything to do with restoring relationship with His broken and isolated children and He was very purposeful.

  The enemy is very clear about his mission as well. Satan is subtle and cunning. He won't blatantly engage us in spiritual warfare or show up in church. There's no need, all he has to do is deceive by distorting. His best tools are simple deception. What better way to keep people from Jesus than to distort Jesus. What distorted Jesus have you allowed to occupy your heart?
   George MacDonald, a great Scottish Prophet and teacher said, "How have we learned Christ? It ought to be a startling thought that we may have learned Him wrong. That must be far worse then not to have learned Him at all. His place is occupied by a false christ, hard to exercise."
   Many years of Faith Interrupted is now being summoned from the tomb to be reunited with my friend.
   That is Relationship Re-connected.
I am excited about this new season of my life and relationships. I am really looking forward to living better, loving better and being present more.

The journey is the destination,
Bob

    Religion gives the impression of having Christ while it inoculates you from experiencing Christ. by John Eldredge from:

Beautiful Outlaw: Experiencing the Playful, Disruptive, Extravagant Personality of Jesus by John Eldredge